Continuing our new series called “Myth-Busting with Merle,” here Merle addresses the common myths that having just one child is not the norm, and that your only child will end up lonely and overburdened.
By Merle Bombardieri, MSW, LICSW
Over the years I’ve noticed that many of my conversations in coaching sessions, on Instagram, and in our “The Decision Cafe” private Facebook group for decision-makers, involve some form of myth busting. Clearing away a scary false assumption such as, “I have to be 100 percent sure before I call it a decision,” makes room in your mind for actual, reality-based decision making.
Here we look into common myths about the unusual, lonely and overburdened only child.
.
Myth #1: My only child will be burdened with all the elder care.
..
It’s a common belief that as we get older and might need more support with medical or daily living needs, our only child will be burdened with all the elder care. After all, who else could we rely on to take care of us?
This myth is FALSE.
In reality, “only children” can get support from cousins, extended family, close friends, and financial and legal advisors and geriatric case managers to help them make decisions and arrange for whatever support they’re not given directly.
And on the plus side, as parents you can save the money that would have gone for a second child’s daycare and college education to have the most attractive living arrangements, whether aging at home or in assisted living communities.
As parents of a single child, you can write advance directives to make sure your wishes are known to your child. But even if you end up having more than one child, there are no guarantees that your two or more children will share in eldercare.
Did you know that in many countries, one-child families are the fastest growing family unit! How many families have only one child? That answer is hard to pin down, but the excellent blog Only Child World tackles it here:
onlychildworld.com/blog-
.
Myth #2: Everyone else is having at least two children. If we only have one child, we will be seen as weird outsiders and our child will be left out.
..
With all of the family images we see in advertisements, it might seem like everyone else is having at least two children. So if we have only one child, we will be seen as weird outsiders and our child will be left out, right?
This myth is also FALSE.
According to the Pew Research Foundation, the one-child family is the fastest growing family form in the United States. This is also true for the U.K, most of Europe as well as Japan. (There’s more info on that further down this page.) So your three-person family will likely be part of the mainstream, especially as even more future families will stop at one. That also means your community will have plenty of other “onlies” available for play dates with your child.
I believe we are in the process of refining the definition and size of families on a global scale. If we consider family to mean a collection of people who create a sense of home, and opportunities to share meals, play together, tell stories, celebrate rituals, and nurture one another, then a three-person family suffices.
To protect the environment, provide financial security, have fair role-sharing, and enjoy a good quality of life, the one-child family just may be your best option!
Follow my social pages as I bust more myths!
.
There are two more parts to my series on only children. To see these as soon as I publish them, please follow @thebabydecision on Instagram or Facebook.
And as a reminder, you can’t make a decision that will be 100 percent regret-free. So instead, ask yourself which decision you will regret least? Embrace that answer, and enjoy your confidence in your decision!
What questions do you have?
.
Let’s talk. I want to hear from you. Where have you heard the burdened or lonely only child myths? How did you navigate them?
I will be writing more about this and other myths in my new book, expected in 2025.
If you missed my previous “busted myths” about needing to be 100 percent certain, or missing out on “real love” without a child, or freezing your eggs to buy time, you can read them here.
What other questions or myths can I help you address? How can I help you make the right choice for you? Reach out to me via my online contact form, or in our private Facebook group The Decision Café, or on any of my social media pages: Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter/X.
– Merle
