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by Katie Wilson
When I was in the process of making a decision of whether or not to have a child, loneliness crept in. Even though my family and community were largely supportive of my struggle, I felt that I didn’t know anyone else who was going through a similar experience. Everyone in my life seemed to know what they wanted when it came to having kids and had made their decision long ago.
After discovering Merle Bombardieri, author of The Baby Decision, I realized that I was not alone. I attended a workshop led by Merle, where I met other couples and individuals who were also on the fence about having a child. Working with Merle over several sessions, I began to understand the tools that could help me move towards a decision, and eventually I was able to make the confident choice to remain childfree.
After discussing the loneliness of going through the decision-making process, Merle and I took steps toward creating a safe and private virtual community where those on the fence could receive support from others who were experiencing similar situations and feelings, as well as learn from others who had recently made a childfree-by-choice decision, or who had decided to take steps towards welcoming a baby into their lives.
With the goal to create a community and address the issue of loneliness so many feel when making their own baby decision, we created The Decision Café group on Facebook. It’s a small but growing community of people who are personally involved in this decision — either because they are in the midst of the decision themselves, or because they have recently made their baby decision and now are exploring how to launch their childfree-by-choice life or have decided they want to be a parent.
If this describes where you are currently with your own baby decision, here is some information on what to expect as a Decision Café member:
What’s discussed in The Decision Café?
The Decision Café is a private, online community of individuals who are personally, currently impacted by the decision-making process around The Baby Decision. It is a safe and private forum where group members can openly and respectfully share their feelings and questions about where they are currently within their own decision on whether or not to have a child or children.
Members are supportive of one another by sharing similar experiences, relating to one another, and sharing resources with each other that have been helpful to them and might be helpful for others. It is a place to exchange ideas about The Baby Decision. It is also a place where Merle Bombardieri may share her expertise on questions asked by group members, as well as offer additional advice and resources.
Members of The Decision Café are also invited to join confidential, non-recorded live zoom sessions that occur several times throughout the year. These zoom sessions typically last 90 minutes and are attended by a small group, as well as Merle and Katie to facilitate and offer support and resources. The format is ask-me-anything, although members are asked to submit questions in advance so that time can be allotted to address any common themes or concerns that the group has.
There is no cost to be a member of The Decision Café or to join the live zoom sessions. If group members are interested in a private coaching consultation with Merle for themselves or with their partner, Merle’s coaching rates apply.
Who can join The Decision Café?
Any individual that is personally and currently impacted by their own Baby Decision is encouraged to become a member of The Decision Café. Members include people from across the world, although the overwhelmingly predominant language used by members is English. The Decision Café members include partners who have joined together for support with their decision, as well as individuals who are already parents and are in the process of deciding whether to have more children. Here are some additional qualities that Decision Café members have in common:
- They have agreed to group member privacy and confidentiality, as well as to respect different perspectives of group members.
- Group members are inclusive, and welcome all ethnic groups, LGBTQ+, unmarried couples, single by choice, and pre-adoptive or foster parents.
- They are open to discussions about all fertility options and welcome those struggling with medical problems, fertility treatment, pregnancy, stillbirth, or neonatal loss.
If this group sounds like the resource that you are looking for to support your decision, we look forward to welcoming you soon! Join us on Facebook here, or find the group anytime by typing “Decision Cafe” in Facebook’s search bar.
— Katie
We thank Katie for writing this description, and our third administrator, Lee Busch, for helping us launch the Café with his technical and communications expertise. You can find lots of insightful blog posts by me, Katie, and others here in our blog, and in our bi-monthly email newsletter. If you aren’t subscribed yet, please stay in touch and sign up on our homepage or in the pop-up box below. — Merle
Photo on this page by Lee Busch
