If you have one or more older children and are now wishing you could relive the baby stage, how do you decide if having another child is a good or bad idea?
As part of my popular “Ask Merle” series, I offer advice on this, with four things to consider. In December 2024, this was the most voted-on question by readers of theSkimm. My answer was featured in their Dec. 19 newsletter, and then on theSkimm.com (article link is below).
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By Merle Bombardieri, MSW, LICSW
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Q: I planned on only having one child, but now that he’s older, I’m missing the baby stage. How do I decide if I want another child?
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Merle’s answer:*
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* as edited by theSkimm
First off, you’re not alone. Many parents feel this way when their little ones aren’t so little anymore. With that said, being proactive about tackling this decision helps regardless of what you choose.
Following these steps could help you decide:
1. Revisit why you chose to be one and done. Maybe it was money, time, work — or just feeling finished. Do those reasons still hold true? If not, what’s changed?
2. Pinpoint what you’re missing. Is it the snuggles? Witnessing your kid’s milestones? For each [thing that comes up], take a minute to relive a particular memory or moment in present tense. How does that make you feel?
3. Imagine you’re having a second child. Are you hoping they’ll add something new or different to your life? How likely are you to get that? Be honest here.
4. Zoom out. Consider the not-so-cute parts of a baby. Can you handle the financial, professional, and physical challenges of a newborn? If “no,” it’s OK to grieve not having a second child. If “yes,” it might be time for bigger talks with your partner or support system and a health check to make sure your body is ready for another pregnancy.
TheSkimm included this advice as part of their bigger feature on “How to Nest,” which also offers tips on budgeting for a baby, tips for saving parenting time and money, and recommended baby products. See it all on theSkimm here.
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TBD readers, have you had similar questions and worries?
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Does something I’ve said above ring true for you as a parent who has considered having another child? Have you thought of something else that helped you navigate concerns around having a baby with older kids around? Either way, please reach out and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.
What other questions can I help you address? How can I help you make the right choice for you? Reach out to me via my online contact form, or in our private Facebook group The Decision Café, or on any of my social media pages: Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter/X.
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Want to learn more?
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I will be writing more about mental health and other timely baby decision considerations in my new book, expected in 2026. You can preview some of these topics and techniques if you subscribe to my free, quarterly email newsletter. In each issue, I’ll share a sneak peek excerpt that only newsletter readers can see! So if you haven’t yet, be sure to subscribe now here or in the signup box below.
After you’ve done that, I invite you to catch up on my previous baby decision blog posts here.
– Merle
Photo on this page by Getty Images via theSkimm
