About the Book:
The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life by Merle Bombardieri, MSW, LICSW (second edition; revised and updated) is a clear, compassionate guide to making a parenting or childfree decision with confidence.
Many women of childbearing age and their partners find it hard to make this life-changing decision. Without a crystal ball, what can you do? Some women say “I like the idea of motherhood, but how do I know I’d really enjoy it? What will happen to my job, my relationship, my sanity?” Or they say, “I’m leaning toward being childfree, but will I be sorry later?”
Merle Bombardieri, MSW, LICSW has been helping people make this decision for over thirty years in her therapy and coaching practice and in her Baby Decision Workshops. With a depth that only a psychotherapist can provide, she shows you strategies for dealing with doubt and ambivalence and uncovering your deepest self-knowledge. Through anecdotes, exercises, guidelines, and checklists, she leads you to your best possible choice.
Imagine the relief of finally cutting through the tangled vines of pros and cons and seeing a clear decision emerge. Merle helps you not only to make a decision but to use it as an opportunity for you and your relationship to grow.
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You will learn how to:
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- Use dozens of “Secret Doors” exercises to uncover hidden feelings and wisdom.
- Separate your own needs and preferences from societal myths and expectations.
- Give full consideration to the rewards and opportunities of living childfree.
- Talk constructively with your partner even if you disagree.
- Manage work-life balance and keep your relationship strong.
- Make decisions about one-child families, single and gay parenting, fertility and adoption.
- Borrow some of the benefits of the other choice.
- You will also learn how to trust your decision and make the most of it.
- Includes a resource section and a bibliography.
- Bonus section: Preparing your body for a healthy pregnancy.
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Are you thinking about remaining childfree?
The Baby Decision will show you:
- How to cope with pressures to parent from family, friends, and others.
- How to handle ignorant or hostile comments, so you can exercise your freedom to make your own best decision.
- Self-exploration exercises that help you rule out parenting so that you can trust your choice:
for example, “Yucky Babies,” pp. 35-36. - Dozens of ways to get the most mileage out of living childfree in the chapter, ”Embracing Your Childfree Life.”
- How to understand and negotiate with your partner if you are disagreeing about the decision.
See the chapter “Tug of War: What to Do When Couples Conflict.” - 10 tips for breaking the news to your parents and in-laws to soften the blow.
- 12 actions for disappointed fertility patients for healing and decision-making, so you can discover the rewards of living childfree.
- How to make peace with being childfree for your partner’s sake, and move beyond disappointment to a good life.
The Baby Decision is available in paperback, Kindle, audio, and many other ebook formats. See where to purchase here.
Praise for The Baby Decision:
“Bombardieri is magic. In this book, she takes you by the hand into the depths of the scary and sometimes overwhelming baby decision. Step by step, she helps you find clarity. The Baby Decision is a must-read for everyone of child-bearing age.”
— Mara Altman, Author of Thanks for Coming, Baby Steps and Bearded Lady
“The intelligence and generosity of Bombardieri’s perspectives are a gift to all women and men; she deeply honors individuality while reminding us of the compassion that is all of our potential.”
— Bina Venkataraman, Writer and Climate Policy Expert
“I am so excited about The Baby Decision. Being 31, my peers are beginning to struggle with this question in a big way. When I read about the distinction between ‘growth’ and ‘safety’ needs, a light bulb went off over my head. You broke that down so clearly and so quickly. This is such an important book!”
— Katie O’Reilly, Journalist, Memoirist, and Contributor to Atlantic.com, Buzzfeed, and Bitch
“The Baby Decision is extraordinarily stimulating and thought-provoking. I became addicted to each word and could not put the book down. It is clearly written and infused with wisdom. Highly recommended for women of childbearing age, their partners, and their OB-GYNs.”
— Isaac Schiff, MD., Chief of Obstetrics and Gynecology (Emeritus), Vincent OB-GYN, Massachusetts General Hospital, Harvard Medical School
“The Baby Decision is an indispensable guide to greater awareness and freedom for anyone wrestling with one of life’s most important decisions. Bombardieri provides a lens that illuminates the architecture of healthy decision-making. Brimming with humanity and respect, informed by research and infused with clinical wisdom, this book is a gem.”
— Stephanie Morgan, MSW, Psy.D. Psychologist, Private Practice. Co-Author, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, and Compassion and Wisdom in Psychotherapy
“A perfect guidebook for any person making the life-changing decision to have a child, or be childfree. Merle Bombardieri offers cogent, insightful, practical, and always deeply kind suggestions to help her readers make their own best decision with clarity, courage, and peace.”
— Deborah Rozelle, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist, Trauma and Adoption Expert. Co-editor and Author, Mindfulness-Oriented Interventions for Trauma: Integrating Contemplative Practices
“This is the essential guide for any person or couple considering parenthood.”
— Kayla Sheets, Genetic Counselor and Founder of the “Vibrant Gene” website, consulting practice, and television show
“This book is an invaluable tool for anyone making this enormous life decision … In clear and compassionate prose, The Baby Decision guides productive thought and discussion. Most important, it makes two things clear: first, it’s OK to feel uncertain and conflicted. And second, you CAN come to a decision and move forward.”
— Jenna Russell, Boston Globe Reporter and Co-Author of New York Times bestseller Last Lion and Long Mile Home
“Intelligent, sensitive, and exceptionally useful support to all in the process of the conscious decision making about transition to parenthood or childfree living. A tremendous contribution!”
— Janet Surrey, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Meditation Teacher specializing in diversity, mothering, adoption, and substance abuse. Author of The Buddha’s Wife: The Path of Awakening Together
“Bombardieri is a master at teasing apart the details of the decision-making process. Her thoughtful and thorough exploration of each facet of the decision-making process—among the array of parenting options, is an invaluable resource for those contemplating parenthood, and professionals who help them work through the process.”
— Carol Sheingold, MSW, LICSW, Clinical Social Worker, Adoption Professional, and adoptive and biological parent
“This book offers an accessible, doable, and empathetic approach for any person struggling with the baby decision.”
— Phyllis B. Fitzpatrick, LICSW, Clinical Social Worker in Private Practice and former Adoption Social Worker
“I think the millions of young women turning the decision over in their heads could profit by reading it. Full of sentences you’ll chew over and savor. Best book on the subject.”
— Ann Ulmschneider, Childfree Advocate
“Imaginative and sensitive. Millions could profit from reading this book.”
— Caroline Bird, pioneering Feminist Economist and Author of The Two-Paycheck Marriage and Born Female
